Guide · Couples
How do couples choose who to contact?
Browsing as a couple is different from browsing alone. Two people have to be interested, and a profile one of you loves may leave the other cold. The couples who find it easiest decide what they are looking for before they start scrolling, not while they are doing it.
Choosing well also saves time for everyone else. A message sent to a couple who does not match what you want leads to a polite refusal or to silence, and neither helps anyone.
Criteria
What should we agree on before we start browsing?
Begin with the things that would make either of you say no regardless of anything else. Age range, how far you will travel, whether you want couples only or are open to singles, and what kind of contact you have in mind are the usual ones. Write them down in a sentence or two, since you will want them in your own profile anyway. Couples who skip this step often discover their differences halfway through a conversation with someone else.
Next, agree on what would be nice but is not required. Keeping those separate stops you rejecting good matches over minor details. It also gives you a shared language for the moment one of you wants to make an exception.
- Age range for both partners in the other couple
- How far you are prepared to travel
- Couples only, or singles as well
- What kind of contact you are open to
- How soon you would want to meet
Reading profiles
What should we look for in another couple's profile?
Read the text before looking closely at the photos. A profile that says what the couple wants, what they do not want, and how they like to get to know people tells you whether you are compatible. Recent activity is worth noticing too, because a profile untouched for months is unlikely to answer. Look for signs that both partners wrote it, since a text in which one person speaks for two can mean one of them is keener than the other.
Photos matter, but mainly as a check on honesty and effort. Real, recent pictures of the couple suggest people who take the scene seriously. Verification, where it is offered, adds a further sign that you are talking to who you think you are.
First contact
Which of us should send the first message?
It does not matter which partner types it, as long as both have agreed to the contact and the message speaks for both. Writing in the plural, or signing with both names, makes that clear to the recipient. Many couples take turns, or let the partner with the easier way with words draft it while the other reads it before it is sent.
Keep the first message short and specific to the profile in front of you. Mention something from their text, say briefly who you are, and suggest a way to continue. The /members search lets you narrow the list by the criteria you agreed on, so the profiles you open are already closer to what you both want.
FAQ
Frequently asked questions
What if one of us wants to contact a profile and the other does not?
Then you leave it. Couples who send messages one partner is lukewarm about tend to regret it, and no profile is worth a quarrel.
Should we message many couples at once?
A few well-chosen messages work better than many copied ones. Couples can usually tell when they have received a template.
Is it fine to contact a couple much older or younger than us?
It is, if their profile says they are open to it. Their stated age range is the best guide to whether a message is welcome.
How long should we wait for a reply before moving on?
A few days is reasonable. No reply is an answer in itself, and a single follow-up is the polite limit.